OpenBSD: Redundancy Must Be Free Lyrics

[Seth Johnson <seth.johnson@RealMeasures.dyndns.org>]

> http://www.OpenBSD.org/lyrics.html#35

A common theme used by the comedy crew Monty Python was to emphasize and
exaggerate ridiculousnesses that their target had imposed upon themselves.
Few things could be considered as humorous as making a redundancy
protocol... redundant; e.g. being forced to replace it by Cisco lawyers and
IETF policy.

We've been working a few years now on our packet filtering software pf(4)
and it became time to add failover. [. . .]

The IETF community proposed work in this direction in the late 90's, however
in 1997 Cisco informed them that they believed some of Cisco's patents
covered the proposed IETF VRRP (Virtual Router Redundancy Protocol); on
March 20, 1998 they went further and specifically named their HSRP "Hot
Standby Router Protocol" patent. [. . .]

On August 7 2002, after many communications, Robert Barr (Cisco's lawyer)
firmly informed the OpenBSD community that Cisco would defend its patents
for VRRP implementations [. . .]

Left with little choice, we proceeded to reinvent the wheel or, more
correctly, abandon the wheel entirely and go for a "hovercraft". We designed
CARP (Common Address Redundancy Protocol) to solve the same problem that
these other protocols are designed for, but without the same technological
basis as HSRP and VRRP. [. . .]

As a final note of course, when we petitioned IANA, the IETF body regulating
"official" internet protocol numbers, to give us numbers for CARP and pfsync
our request was denied. Apparently we had failed to go through an official
standards organization.


Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please.

Licenser: A what?

Customer: A license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP.

Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it?

Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy
protocol.

Licenser: What?

Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol.

Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol!

Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were
all too... encumbered. And now I must license it!

Licenser: You must be a looney.

Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney
merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell
that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF
standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP,
after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two
redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor
movement! So, if you're calling the large American companies that fork out
millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to
ask you to step outside!

Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. A license.

Customer: Yes.

Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol?

Customer: Yes.

Licenser: You are a looney.

Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a
patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP.

Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP.

Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without
it.

Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license.

Customer: Yes there is!

Licenser: Isn't!

Customer: Is!

Licenser: Isn't!

Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?

Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed
out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon.

Customer: The man didn't have the right form.

Licenser: What man?

Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van.

Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean.

Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.

Licenser: What redundancy detector van?

Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee.

Licenser: Cizzz-coeee?

Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never
seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could
pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being
such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake.

Licenser: How much did you pay for that?

Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX.

Licenser: What PIX?

Customer: The PIX I'm replacing!

Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want
to license it?

Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this
protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it!

Licenser: No they didn't!

Customer: Did!

Licenser: Didn't!

Customer: Did, did, did and did!

Licenser: Oh, all right.

Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP
license?

Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.

Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License.

Licenser: A license?

Customer: Yes.

Licenser: For your firewall?

Customer: No.

Licenser: No?

Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident.

Licenser: You're off your chump.

Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure
colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to
deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you
to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader! 


A zero... one.. A one zero one one


VRRP, philosophically,
must ipso facto standard be
But standard it
needs to be free
vis a vis
the IETF
you see?

But can VRRP
be said to be
or not to be
a standard, see,
when VRRP can not be free,
due to some Cisco patentry..

Singing...

La Dee Dee, 1, 2, 3.
VRRP ain't free.
O P E N B S D
CARP is free

Is this wretched Cisco-eze
let through IETF to mean
my firewall must pay legal fees?
No! CARP and PF are Free!

Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
CARP and PF are free.

1 1 2,
Tee Hee Hee,
CARP and PF are free.

My firewall just keeps running, see,
bisected accidentally,
one summer afternoon by me.
Redundancy's good when free.

Redundancy must be free.
Redundancy must be free.

The End

Under the Geddy Lee?

No, Redundancy must be free!

Geddy must be free.


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